Why You Don’t Need to Forgive Yourself (and What to Do Instead)

“I just can’t seem to forgive myself.”

Have you ever uttered these words? I have.

My opinions, experiences, and feelings about myself made it impossible to overcome what I had done, especially as a Christian. Repeated sins weighed me down with relentless regret and doubts about my salvation. I became convinced that forgiving myself was the key to finding peace—until I asked this question: “Does the Bible ever tell us to forgive ourselves?”

I researched as thoroughly as I could. To my knowledge, the Bible never mentions, suggests, or commands us to forgive ourselves. It tells us, over and over, to forgive others—those who offend or hurt us—but not ourselves.

So where did this idea of “self-forgiveness” even come from? And if we’re not called to forgive ourselves, what are we supposed to do with stubborn shame and self-reproach?

I believe it’s a ploy of the enemy—to keep us chasing something God never asked of us, blinding us to the real issue: unbelief.

The Culprit: Unbelief

This might sound countercultural, but Scripture shows that our problem isn’t a lack of self-forgiveness—it’s unbelief. We don’t need to forgive ourselves. We need to believe that we are already fully forgiven, whether we feel like we deserve it or not. The fact is that none of us deserve it.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:8–9)

Jesus died once for all, for all sin, for all time (Romans 6:10; Hebrews 9:12, 9:26, and 10:10). He defeated death by His resurrection, and now, by His indestructible life, He saves “to the uttermost”—covering every sin (past, present, and future) for all the days of our lives (Hebrews 7:24–25). “In [Christ] we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace” (Ephesians 1:7).

The idea that we need to “forgive ourselves” subtly suggests that Christ’s work on the cross was incomplete. But it is complete.
Through faith in Christ, we are forgiven. Full stop.

If unbelief is the real problem, here are a few practical steps to fight it:

1. Don’t Talk to the Devil

The devil is not your friend—no matter how he presents himself. Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, he is behind everything false, even when it looks like truth (Matthew 7:15). He disguises himself as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14) and twists God’s Word just enough to mislead us (Genesis 3:1).

He is an old enemy with old tricks. His goal is always to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). The more we engage with his lies—whether through worldly influences, media, entertainment, or even conversations in our own heads—the more we fall prey to them.

Imagine if Eve had simply walked away the moment the serpent asked, “Did God really say…?” Don’t entertain the conversation.

2. Admit Your Unbelief

Start talking to God instead, and admit your unbelief to Him. When Jesus promised the Holy Spirit, He said, “And when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment: concerning sin, because they do not believe in me” (John 16:8–9).

Unbelief is a sin. Confess it. Tell God honestly where you’re struggling to believe. Tell a trustworthy Christian friend, too (see James 5:16). Pray together. Pray for wholeness, for deeper intimacy with God, and for the courage to turn from unbelief (Ephesians 2:13–16).

3. Believe, Repent, Repeat

When Jesus began His public ministry, He preached: “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand” (Matthew 4:17). Repentance means to reconsider and change your mind. In Luke 5:32, Jesus said He came to call sinners to repentance—to reverse course.

After confessing unbelief, we must also change the way we think. If our thinking doesn’t change, neither will our choices, lifestyle, or direction. True repentance flows from a changed mind and leads to new decisions based on God’s truth. We can choose to believe that Christ’s forgiveness is complete and final. Jesus said, “It is finished”—and it is (John 19:30).

Just as He told doubting Thomas: “Don’t be faithless, but believe” (John 20:27). Keep believing. Keep recommitting. The enemy will keep tempting you to doubt, but we can train ourselves to default to faith instead.

Other Snares

Unforgiveness and unrepentance can also trap us in the lie that we’re unforgivable.

If I cling to hurt, bitterness, or resentment, my unforgiveness creates distance between me and God. It doesn’t erase my forgiven status in Christ, but it can hinder my intimacy with Him (Matthew 6:14; Mark 11:25).

Similarly, if I stay trapped in a cycle of sin—feeling regret, asking forgiveness, but never truly repenting—it will be hard to believe I am forgiven. Repentance matters. Turning from sin matters.

Get Off the Devil’s Hook

If you’re struggling to “forgive yourself,” it’s time to get off the devil’s hook. Instead, look to Jesus, believing that you are already forgiven.
Forgive others, turn from sin, and enjoy the peace of God.

A Manifesto to Call Your Own

I’ll close with this powerful manifesto from Milton Vincent’s A Gospel Primer for Christians: Learning to See the Glories of God’s Love:

“Admittedly, I don’t deserve to be a child of God, and I don’t deserve to be free of sin’s guilt and power.
I don’t deserve the staggering privilege of intimacy with God, nor any other blessing that Christ has purchased for me with His blood.
I don’t even deserve to be useful to God.
But by the grace of God, I am what I am and I have what I have, and I hereby resolve not to let any portion of God’s grace prove vain in me! And to the degree that I fail to live up to this resolve, I will boldly take for myself the forgiveness that God says is mine and continue walking in His grace.
This is my manifesto, my daily resolve; and may God be glorified by this confidence that I place in Him.”¹

All I can say to that is “Amen!”