When Fear and Loneliness Make You Want to Take Control

Some of you are having one of the best summers ever. Physically, you feel good. Your job is going great. Relationships with your kids, your spouse—everything is trending up and to the right. Life is good.

But I'm also smart enough to know that for some of you, that's not the case. Some of you are walking through a difficult season right now.

When was the last time you felt lonely? I mean really alone. When was the last time you felt afraid—anxious about that doctor's phone call you were waiting on, afraid of what they might say? What about the last time you were rejected? That job interview you thought went so well, but the call never came. That idea you shared in a meeting and heard nothing but crickets.

The Bible has a lot to say about David. At the pinnacle, we know that David was a man after God's own heart. We also know he made some bad decisions. He was far from perfect. And earlier in his life, he did what you and I are tempted to do many times when things aren't going right: he took over the control center of his life. He took matters into his own hands.

We do the same thing. We blow it by taking over and saying, "God, I'll take it from here. I can handle this more effectively than You can."

The Four Emotions That Move Us

There are emotions that, if you feel them long enough or deeply enough, have the power to move you outside the guidelines you've established for yourself—financial guidelines, relational boundaries, moral commitments. These emotions are so strong they can cause us to do things we never thought we would do.

The four emotions I'm talking about are fear, loneliness, anger, and rejection. These four emotions have the power to move the most ethical and committed Christian outside of pre-established boundaries into immoral and unethical actions. They can be that powerful.

I grew up spending summers in North Carolina, and one of our favorite activities was whitewater canoeing. If you've ever been, you know you have to ignore one of the most basic natural impulses: when you're going through difficult water and feel like you're going to lose balance, your impulse is to grab the sides of the canoe. But you quickly learn that if you do, thinking you'll regain balance, the opposite happens—you turn over. Everything inside goes into the river. You have to ignore that natural impulse.

These four emotions have natural impulses built into them. They make you feel like you have to do something. When you're overwhelmed with deep loneliness or fear or anger or rejection, something inside says, "I've got to do something to get back in control. I've got to grab the side of the canoe."

When David Grabbed the Sides

To set up the psalm I want us to look at, I need to remind you of an intensely dramatic incident in David's life. In 1 Samuel 21, we find David alone and afraid—two emotions that warrior David was not accustomed to. And we see what happens when someone facing these emotions takes matters into their own hands.

David had been anointed king as a teenager, but Saul was still on the throne. Through an unusual set of circumstances, David became captain of Saul's army. He killed a lion, a bear, Goliath. He married Saul's daughter, became best friends with Saul's son Jonathan. God's favor was obvious. People were singing, "Saul has slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands."

Saul became jealous. One day Jonathan came to David and said, "I don't know how to tell you this, but my father is intent on murdering you. You need to leave."

Mighty warrior David was told to run. This teenager God had anointed was rejected by Saul. Suddenly he felt alone and scared.

Then David came to Nob to Ahimelech the priest. And Ahimelech came to meet David trembling and said to him, "Why are you alone, and no one is with you?" And David said to Ahimelech the priest, "The king has charged me with a matter and said to me, 'Let no one know anything of the matter about which I send you, and with which I have charged you.' I have made an appointment with the young men for such and such a place. Now then, what do you have on hand? Give me five loaves of bread, or whatever is here."— 1 Samuel 21:1–3

David told an unbelievable story. It simply wasn't true. David lied.

We're thinking, "David, what's going on? You remember the lion—bare-handed. You remember Goliath—one stone. What's changed? What would move you outside God's boundaries to lie?"

Because he was just like you and me. He was alone. He'd been rejected. He was angry and fearful. And he did what we're tempted to do. He took matters into his own hands, grabbed the sides of the canoe, and said, "God, I'll take it from here."

He began manipulating and lying, moving completely outside God's boundaries. And this story ends tragically. While this interchange was happening, a man named Doeg the Edomite saw everything. Later, when Saul was trying to find David, Doeg reported what he'd seen. Saul summoned Ahimelech and accused him of aiding David. When Ahimelech defended himself, Saul ordered his guards to kill the priests. They refused. So Saul said to Doeg, "You turn and strike the priests." And Doeg killed eighty-five priests that day, plus every person in Nob—men, women, children, infants, animals. An entire city destroyed.

All because one man lied in a panic. Because he couldn't wait on God. Because he forgot that God is with him and can be trusted. Everyone suffered because of David's lie.

The Turning Point

This whole story is over, and David realizes what a mess he made. In the next chapter, we read:

Therefore David inquired of the Lord, "Shall I go and attack these Philistines?" And the Lord said to David, "Go and attack the Philistines and save Keilah." ... And David inquired of the Lord again. And the Lord answered him, "Arise, go down to Keilah, for I will give the Philistines into your hand."— 1 Samuel 23:2, 4

A major turning point. David says, "I want to be directed by God regardless of my fear, regardless of my emotions, regardless of my rejection. I'm going to trust God and try to put Him first."

I don't know if this tragic story is directly connected to the prayer we're about to read, but it certainly could have been. Look with me at Psalm 143.

A Prayer for When You Want to Take Over

Hear my prayer, O Lord; give ear to my pleas for mercy! In your faithfulness answer me, in your righteousness! Enter not into judgment with your servant, for no one living is righteous before you.— Psalm 143:1–2

David begins his prayer by mentioning three characteristics of God: He is merciful, He is faithful, and He is righteous. Did you notice? David begins by reminding himself of who God is.

David trusted God's character. God had made a covenant with His people that He would be faithful. God's righteousness meant He wouldn't break that covenant—His ways are always right. He's a promise-keeping God. It's impossible for Him to violate His character. It's who He is.

It's easy to relate to David. If we'd been in that situation—told to run, the promise of kingship looking dead—we might immediately take matters into our own hands. Natural impulse. But here David prays, and it's obvious he's learned something. Instead of grabbing the sides of the canoe, he remembers who God is. He's learned to recall God's mercy, remind himself of God's faithfulness in the past, and remember His righteousness.

David acknowledges that his loving heavenly Father has faithfully kept promises and provided wise leadership. And so we learn our first lesson: when doubts surface or strong emotions rise, remember who God is.

David came to the point where he could say, "I trust God's character. God is all-knowing, so He knows what is best for me."

I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands.— Psalm 143:5

A second lesson: remember what God has done. Did you notice what David says three times in one verse? "I remember, I meditate, I ponder." It's wise to remind ourselves of God's blessings, His character, His promises. They instill hope. They strengthen our faith.

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.— Psalm 94:19

Consolations are things that comfort us. That's what God's promises do. They console us with peace, with encouragement, with strength. They lessen our anxiety.

• "I will be your ever-present help in time of need"—comfort in knowing God is with us.
• "I will never leave you or forsake you"—comfort in knowing we're never truly alone.
• "The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds"—comfort in His protection.
• "Cast all your cares on him because he cares for you"—comfort in His concern.

David understood that it was wise to deal with present crisis by considering God's faithfulness in past crises. God is all-wise, so He knows what is best. But He's also all-loving, so He wants what is best.

Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.— Psalm 143:8

See David's progression? Once he remembers who God is and what God has done, it reinforces his trust. And then he asks for direction: "God, I am begging for Your direction. I need Your direction in my relationships, my finances, my time. I want to live under the umbrella of Your protection. Would You direct me?"

One author says that one of the greatest things we can do when facing difficulty is to ask: "What's the wise thing to do? Considering my past, my present circumstances, my future hopes and dreams—what's the wise thing to do? Father, I trust You, so please direct me."

Parents understand this. Several years ago, our oldest grandson was five and happened to be at our house on National Donut Day. I got up early, went to the donut shop, and came back with chocolate covered donuts, donut holes with sprinkles, blueberry donuts, old-fashioned donuts with chocolate. I built a donut pyramid on plates.

When he came down and saw it, his eyes lit up. After he'd had a couple donuts and seven or eight donut holes, his mom came down. "That's enough."

If we could get inside a five-year-old's mind: "What's wrong with you? This is the greatest day of my life! Why do you want to ruin this?"

But parents know better. They can see further ahead than a five-year-old. They understand consequences. For Watts's sake, it's not best to eat a box of donuts.

Our heavenly Father knows we need His direction. We need Him to fulfill His promises and guide us so we can avoid painful consequences.

When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth.— John 16:13

Not only can God direct us, He desires to. That's why He sent His Spirit.

Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord! I have fled to you for refuge. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God! Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground!— Psalm 143:9–10

David runs to God for refuge. He pleads for deliverance: "I want You to be glorified. I want to live under the umbrella of Your will, Your plans, Your protection."

As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me!— Psalm 40:11

"Teach me to do Your will"—I want Your instruction. Thank God for His Word, a lamp for our feet, a light for our path. All Scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, training in righteousness. God has been good to give us His Word.

"Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground"—lead me. When I think of God leading, I think of Psalm 23: He leads us in paths of righteousness, beside still waters where anxieties are reduced, where we know we're walking a path pleasing to Him.

For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life! In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble!— Psalm 143:11

Preserve me. Protect me. I'm looking to You.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.— 1 Corinthians 10:13

God is able to preserve us from bad decisions.

You may have seen the story about two activists with "Just Stop Oil" who walked into the National Gallery in London with a can of tomato soup. They went up to Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" and threw the soup on the painting—worth about $83 million. Then they glued their hands to the wall. Social media exploded.

Later that afternoon, the Gallery issued a statement: minor damage to the frame, but the painting was unharmed. Turns out they prepare for precisely such incidents. The painting had a very fine glaze of glass over it, imperceptible to the human eye. The soup couldn't hurt it.

The attacks of the enemy, the strength of our emotions, even the Old Testament law itself hurls accusations against us. But our loving heavenly Father is our preserver, our protector. If we've placed our faith in Christ, we are preserved.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.— Romans 8:1

God is all-powerful, so He is able to accomplish what is best.

What David Knew

David didn't know when he would become king. He didn't know how God would fulfill that promise. But there were things David did know. And if David were here today, I think he'd say to each of us:

In spite of the uncertainty, in spite of powerful emotions of fear and loneliness and rejection—you can trust God's character. God is all-wise, so He knows what is best for you. God is all-loving, so He wants what's best for you. And He's all-powerful, so He's able to accomplish what's best for you.

Therefore, you dare not grab the sides of the canoe and take matters into your own hands. You must trust Him, because He's been faithful.

The Sword David Missed

There's a part of this story I can't communicate the way it deserves, but I have to try.

Remember: David shows up at Nob, rejected, angry, hot, tired, hungry. He asks Ahimelech for food. The priest gives him bread. Then David asks for a weapon. If Ahimelech had been paying attention, he'd have said, "Wait—you're on a special mission from the king, but you have no provisions, no food, no men, and no weapon?"

But Ahimelech says, "We're priests, we don't have weapons." Then he remembers: "Wait, we do have one." He goes to the back and comes back with the sword of Goliath. "David, this is all we've got."

And David says—don't miss this—"There's none like it; give it to me."

It's like God paused the whole movie to say: "David, remember. Do you know what this sword represents? It represents the futility of man in the face of the power and intervention of God. It's a reminder of what a teenager with God can do that a giant cannot. It's a reminder that God is always with you. David, remember: I don't work the way the world works. David, remember: when it feels like your life is falling apart, I'm still in control. David, do you remember walking down into that valley with nothing more than a slingshot? David, it was our finest hour."

And David missed it. He took that sword like, "Now I have a weapon, and everything's going to be okay."

And God would say: "A weapon that was useless against Me."

The Intersection Coming to You

Psalm 143 offers us a template for how to pray, a template for living a life that pleases God. You and I stand at a crossroads—if not right now, then by Wednesday. We've got to make a difficult decision.

Am I going to give in to fear, anger, rejection, or loneliness, grab the sides of the canoe, and take matters into my own hands? Or am I going to look to God for perseverance, deliverance, teaching, leadership?

What am I going to do?

God would say to you: when you come to that intersection, push pause. Wait a minute. I'm still with you. You can trust Me.

When facing a critical decision, when you're tempted to grab the side of the canoe, remember who God is. Remember what He has done. And let those truths restore your trust in His ability to come through, to be present, to guide you again.

Adapted from a sermon by Jeff Young.