Grief is a part of life. It is the deep, emotional pain and suffering that a person experiences from a significant loss in life. While grief is mostly associated with the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, a marriage, one’s health, and even a dream can cause one to grieve. Whether you are the one grieving or ministering to someone experiencing grief, it is important to remember that everyone does not necessarily grieve in the same way. Grief can differ depending on whether the loss happened suddenly or was anticipated over time. The nature and intensity of grief can vary greatly with the loss of a child versus an elderly parent or even a close friend. The loss of one’s home or possessions from a natural disaster can bring about great fear and depression along with grief. A spouse that is abandoned can experience intense anger and feelings of betrayal along with grief over the loss of the marriage.
Acknowledging Grief
While grief is painful, it is necessary. To deny or give in to one’s grief can be destructive. Someone once said, “If you bury the pain, it will eventually bury you!” Failing to deal with grief can cause one to turn to more destructive measures in an attempt to numb the pain. But when the numbness wears off, the pain is still present.
There are many symptoms associated with grief. One can feel disoriented or distracted, have a deep sense of sadness, feelings of hopelessness, a longing for the person who was lost, or have constant thoughts about memories. One might experience anxiety or feelings of anger. When we grieve, we might wonder if we will ever feel “normal” again. One may feel numb, or even struggle with survivor’s guilt. After the initial shock and emotional release, one might experience loneliness, depression, or listlessness. These symptoms are not necessarily sequential and can be cyclical or simultaneous.
Moving forward does not mean moving on. To move forward by making the decision to keep living does not mean you forsake the person or dream that is no longer living. Moving forward is not selfish and does not mean you didn’t fully embrace the loss and pain of grief.
Hindrances to Grieving
Grief recovery does not necessarily follow a step-by-step process. It is important to take the time needed to grieve. But if a person can acknowledge the grief, embrace it as necessary, and see it as something to move through rather than get around, genuine healing can happen.
The “if only’s” can hinder a person’s recovery from grief. “If only I had insisted he go to the doctor sooner, maybe he would still be here.” “If only they had left a little earlier, the accident wouldn’t have happened.” But God’s Word reminds us that our lives are in God’s hands, and while we can have some influence on the quality of our lives, God controls the length of our days (Psalm 139:16).
The myth of closure can also hinder recovery from grief. Closure does not mean that a person no longer feels pain or sadness over the loss. In time, feelings of sadness may not be as acute or frequent, but they will probably always be there. Closure is more about accepting the loss and moving forward and making the conscious decision to keep living.
Hope in Grieving
Paul said in 1 Thessalonians 4:13, “But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.” In other words, believers in Jesus Christ do not have to grieve alone. There is a unique hope we have because of our relationship with Christ. You may feel alone, but you are not alone.
Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). Even though there is a time for grieving, it does not have to last forever. The Bible tells us that there is “a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4).
Help for the Grieving
God understands the pain and sorrow of grief (Isaiah 53:3). Jesus shed tears of sorrow at the tomb of a friend (John 11:35). If we draw near to him, he will draw near to us (James 4:8). God can restore our souls (Psalm 23:3). He is the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
Perhaps you find yourself with the opportunity to minister to someone who is hurting. You may be wondering about what to say or do. Just being there means so much more than many words or oversimplified answers. Perhaps the only words you need to say when you walk into the room are, “I am so sorry!” They will know what you are referring to. Your silent presence may just be the comfort they need.
We know that pain and loss are just as much a part of life as joy and happiness. Deep in our hearts, we know that we will eventually lose someone we love, even if we wish it wasn’t true. But we have hope—a promise from God, that he is present and can give us a peace like no other. Jesus reminds us in John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”
Helpful Resources:
Looking for additional resources on grief and loss? Here are a few resources Scott Riling highly recommends.
Wright, H. Norman. Recovering from Losses in Life. Revell, 2006.
Lewis, C.S. A Grief Observed. HarperOne, 2001.
Sittser, Gerald L. A Grace Disguised. Zondervan, 2004.
GriefShare – A Support group offered by Champion Forest every Fall and Spring.
