The sober reminders are everywhere. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There’s one less setting at the dinner table, one less stocking hanging from the mantle. The one who cooked the amazing meal or voiced the Thanksgiving prayer is absent. The one who used to go into the attic to bring down the tree and decorations is no longer available to help with these tasks. You can even feel triggered walking into a store because a Christmas carol reminds you of happier days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Navigating the journey through grief<\/a> is difficult at any time of year, but the holidays can be especially tough. Everything is intensified. Everyone longs to be with family and friends at Thanksgiving and Christmas, experiencing joy and happiness together and celebrating the true meaning of the holidays. These hopes and expectations are portrayed in advertisements for everything from automobiles to hardware stores, from vacation destinations to assorted beverages. And everyone is smiling and so happy. But you might have a sense of dread and even guilt when you can\u2019t be excited about the holidays because something has changed, and someone you love will no longer share them. A woman grieving the loss of her husband said, \u201cI just wish I could go to sleep the day before Thanksgiving and wake up on January 2nd.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n Even though nothing will completely wipe away those feelings of grief and sorrow during the holiday season, there are some steps you can take to blunt the sharpness of the heartache and move forward with purpose and hope. Rather than succumbing to the urge to pull away or pretending that everything is fine and the occasional sadness is a mere inconvenience, consider these constructive tips that can aid in the healing process, even during the most challenging time of the year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You are not weak for feeling sad. There is nothing wrong with you, and you don\u2019t need someone or something to fix you. Resist telling yourself that you should be beyond this by now. Grieving is not an exact science, and experiencing sadness during the holidays when you have lost someone you love is normal. It would be more concerning if you didn\u2019t share a sense of melancholy and nostalgia for holidays of the past with your loved one. Emotional ambushes can come when you least expect them. That\u2019s the way grief is. It can come and go as you process life without the person you loved and lost. And when it does happen, you don\u2019t need to ask yourself, \u201cWhere did that come from?\u201d Don\u2019t be afraid of the emotions. Ecclesiastes 3:4 says there is \u201ca time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Feeling a sense of obligation to be strong for everyone else so that their holiday will still be memorable can be exhausting when you struggle with waves of sadness yourself. If your loved one always prepared the Thanksgiving meal, invite other loved ones to share in this year’s preparation. If they always voiced the Thanksgiving prayer before the meal, ask someone else to be prepared to do so this year. If your loved one always went to great lengths to decorate the house, ask others to help you put up some decorations, but don\u2019t feel compelled to do it how or to the extent that it was always done before. If you have decided to accept an invitation to a Christmas party but still feel emotional and unsure if you want to stay the whole time, take your own car\u2014don’t carpool\u2014so that you are free to leave when you are ready.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Both Thanksgiving and Christmas are about acknowledging God\u2019s presence in our lives. Thanksgiving harkens back to the historical event in American history when Christians expressed gratitude for God’s care and provisions. Christmas is when we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ\u2014God with us (Matthew 1:23). When we are grieving the loss of someone we loved, of all times, the holidays should be when we turn to God and seek His comfort. When we turn to God, he gives us peace and hope. He understands how it feels when someone you love dies. He knows what it is like to feel overwhelmed by grief and sorrow. He knows how loneliness feels. Jesus encourages us to turn to him when we are weighed down with sadness and the burden of grief. Matthew 11:28-30 records Jesus saying, \u201cCome to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n As you experience the comfort of God, encourage someone else who might need a word of comfort or just the presence of someone who cares. Turning outward and serving will help you heal inwardly. You will find comfort by comforting others. The Apostle Paul echoes this biblical principle in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, \u201cBlessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n Looking for additional resources on grief and loss? Here are a few resources Scott Riling highly recommends:<\/p>\n\n\n\n H. Norman Wright, Recovering from Losses in Life<\/a><\/em> (Grand Rapids: Revell, 2006).<\/p>\n\n\n\n C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed<\/a><\/em> (San Francisco: HarperOne, 2001).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Jerry L. Sittser, A Grace Disguised<\/a><\/em> (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2004).<\/p>\n\n\n\n GriefShare<\/a> – A Support group offered by Champion Forest every Fall and Spring<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Navigating grief during the holiday season is an emotional journey. Learn how to honor your emotions, plan ahead, and find comfort in God while embracing a purposeful path through the holiday season.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":998,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"\n \u201cMarriage is the best!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n That is a statement we seldom hear from couples married for more than a couple of years. Yet, our twenty-three-year marriage has been an incredible journey. Our marriage isn\u2019t perfect, but it has been well worth the effort. Even though we are both selfish, sinful people who continually need forgiveness from God and one another, we choose to put in the work required to experience the joy God intends marriage to bring. Marital joy comes when we follow God\u2019s plan for the tremendous institution of marriage. Even in a culture where marriage is under attack, we are convinced biblical marriage should be an enjoyable experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Through the years, we have had the unique opportunity to counsel married and unmarried couples. Every couple is different, but as we have met with couples and learned from their experiences, we have discovered three universal principles that set flourishing marriages apart. We call these the \u201c3 C\u2019s.\u201d When couples focus on these three areas, they will create a solid foundation to build their relationship. Most biblical marriage elements (i.e., humility, love, conflict resolution, etc.) fall within these three \u201cC\u2019s.\u201d As you reflect on these three \u201cC\u2019s,\u201d we encourage you to consider how God wants to change or develop you into the spouse God desires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To fulfill God\u2019s purpose for marriage, Christ must be the established foundation. Francis Chan writes, \u201cWe all must prioritize our eternal relationship with our Creator above all things. When two people are right with Him, they will be right with each other.\u201d[1]<\/sup><\/a> The pre-marital counseling we received back in 1999 emphasized this truth. By God\u2019s grace, both of us were Christ followers when we married and had a healthy relationship with God. We were na\u00efve on many levels regarding our marriage, but we knew our relationship with Christ would be paramount. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Jesus commanded us to \u201c\u2026love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength\u201d (Mark 12:30, ESV). In essence, Jesus tells us to love him with everything we are and do. That includes our marriages. To accomplish that, we (Brett and Lori) have sought to prioritize Christ consistently in several ways. First, we have both focused on spending regular time with God by reading the Bible and praying. Second, we have always been part of a Bible study group. These groups helped us grow in our faith with other believers. Third, we served and worshipped together at our church. Lastly, we took advantage of opportunities to strengthen our marriage by attending conferences, reading books, and teaching others about marriage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Marriage is permanent (Mark 10:7-9, ESV). Jesus used a Greek word meaning \u201cto glue together\u201d when explaining the perpetuity of marriage. Because it is permanent, marriage should not be taken lightly. It requires a strong, lifelong commitment. In modern culture, too many couples give up early in their marriages. Studies reveal that about two-thirds of unhappy marriages will become happy if couples stay together for five years.[2]<\/sup><\/a>Many couples do not endure. They give up. When couples recite vows on their wedding day, they often think \u201cin the moment.\u201d Tim Keller writes, \u201cWedding vows are not a declaration of present love but a mutually binding promise of future love.\u201d[3]<\/sup><\/a> Your vows are a commitment to never quit on your marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We have been married for almost twenty-four years and are thankful that we have never considered ending our marriage. We agree that our marriage is stronger than it was in January 2000. We have had difficult times in our marriage, both internal and external, but we committed to God and each other years ago that we would remain \u201cglued together\u201d as long as we are alive. God never gives up on us, so we strive to never give up on each other. We recommend every couple work toward being best friends with their spouse. That has emboldened our relationship immensely, strengthening our commitment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Communication<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n In a marriage workbook we use when counseling pre-marital couples, the author states, \u201cCommunication is to love what blood is to life.\u201d[4]<\/sup><\/a> Developing stronger communication skills is essential in any marriage. This has proved true in our marriage. Many of the conflicts we have experienced in our marriage are, on some level, a result of poor communication. The Bible commands us to \u201c\u2026be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger\u201d (James 1:19, ESV). Many of us get that backward, however, and we are quick to speak, quick to anger, and slow to listen. From personal experience, we can tell you how detrimental that can be to a marriage relationship. Communication begins and ends with listening to your spouse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fortunately, our communication with one another has grown immensely over the years. We still have moments when we fall back into sinful patterns of selfishness that hinder healthy communication, but marriage is a lifelong learning journey. We are a work in progress, and we press on, knowing the fight toward healthier communication is worth it. Married couples should be lovingly transparent and authentic with one another while, at the same time, becoming a better listener. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you desire a healthy and happy marriage, you must be willing to work hard. For us, the work is reaping immense benefits. We firmly believe if you and your spouse prioritize the three \u201cC\u2019s,\u201d you will be well on your way to building a marriage that honors God. We pray that your marriage will become all that Christ desires it to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [1]<\/sup><\/a> Francis Chan and Lisa Chan, You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity<\/em> (Claire Love Publishing, 2014), 20.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [2]<\/sup><\/a> Linda White, et al, Does Divorce Make People Happy? Findings from a Study of Unhappy Marriages <\/em>(American Values Institute, 2002). <\/p>\n\n\n\nExpect emotional ambushes.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Plan ahead<\/strong>.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Turn to God<\/strong>.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\nHelpful Resources:<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Christ<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Commitment<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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