{"id":2180,"date":"2025-04-24T21:32:24","date_gmt":"2025-04-24T21:32:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.championforest.org\/articles\/?p=2180"},"modified":"2025-04-28T21:33:50","modified_gmt":"2025-04-28T21:33:50","slug":"why-you-dont-need-to-forgive-yourself-and-what-to-do-instead","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.championforest.org\/articles\/2025\/04\/24\/why-you-dont-need-to-forgive-yourself-and-what-to-do-instead\/","title":{"rendered":"Why You Don\u2019t Need to Forgive Yourself (and What to Do Instead)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

“I just can\u2019t seem to forgive myself.”<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have you ever uttered these words? I have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My opinions, experiences, and feelings about myself made it impossible to overcome what I had done, especially as a Christian. Repeated sins weighed me down with relentless regret and doubts about my salvation. I became convinced that forgiving myself was the key to finding peace\u2014until I asked this question:\u00a0“Does the Bible ever tell us to forgive ourselves?”<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I researched as thoroughly as I could. To my knowledge, the Bible never mentions, suggests, or commands us to forgive ourselves. It tells us, over and over, to forgive others\u2014those who offend or hurt us\u2014but not ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So where did this idea of “self-forgiveness” even come from? And if we\u2019re not called to forgive ourselves, what are we supposed to do with stubborn shame and self-reproach?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I believe it\u2019s a ploy of the enemy\u2014to keep us chasing something God never asked of us, blinding us to the real issue: unbelief.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Culprit: Unbelief<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

This might sound countercultural, but Scripture shows that our problem isn\u2019t a lack of self-forgiveness\u2014it\u2019s unbelief. We don\u2019t need to forgive ourselves. We need to believe that we are already fully forgiven, whether we feel like we deserve it or not. The fact is that none of us deserve it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFor by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.\u201d (Ephesians 2:8\u20139)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus died once for all, for all sin, for all time (Romans 6:10; Hebrews 9:12, 9:26, and 10:10). He defeated death by His resurrection, and now, by His indestructible life, He saves “to the uttermost”\u2014covering every sin (past, present, and future) for all the days of our lives (Hebrews 7:24\u201325). “In [Christ] we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace\u201d (Ephesians 1:7).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The idea that we need to “forgive ourselves” subtly suggests that Christ\u2019s work on the cross was incomplete. But it is complete.
Through faith in Christ, we are forgiven. Full stop. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If unbelief is the real problem, here are a few practical steps to fight it:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Don\u2019t Talk to the Devil<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

The devil is not your friend\u2014no matter how he presents himself. Like a wolf in sheep\u2019s clothing, he is behind everything false, even when it looks like truth (Matthew 7:15). He disguises himself as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14) and twists God\u2019s Word just enough to mislead us (Genesis 3:1).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He is an old enemy with old tricks. His goal is always to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). The more we engage with his lies\u2014whether through worldly influences, media, entertainment, or even conversations in our own heads\u2014the more we fall prey to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Imagine if Eve had simply walked away the moment the serpent asked, “Did God really say\u2026?” Don\u2019t entertain the conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Admit Your Unbelief<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Start talking to God instead, and admit your unbelief to Him. When Jesus promised the Holy Spirit, He said, \u201cAnd when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment: concerning sin, because they do not believe in me\u201d (John 16:8\u20139).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unbelief is a sin. Confess it. Tell God honestly where you’re struggling to believe. Tell a trustworthy Christian friend, too (see James 5:16). Pray together. Pray for wholeness, for deeper intimacy with God, and for the courage to turn from unbelief (Ephesians 2:13\u201316).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Believe, Repent, Repeat<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

When Jesus began His public ministry, He preached: “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand” (Matthew 4:17). Repentance means to reconsider and change your mind. In Luke 5:32, Jesus said He came to call sinners to repentance\u2014to reverse course.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After confessing unbelief, we must also change the way we think. If our thinking doesn\u2019t change, neither will our choices, lifestyle, or direction. True repentance flows from a changed mind and leads to new decisions based on God’s truth. We can choose to believe that Christ\u2019s forgiveness is complete and final. Jesus said, “It is finished”\u2014and it is (John 19:30).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just as He told doubting Thomas: “Don\u2019t be faithless, but believe” (John 20:27). Keep believing. Keep recommitting. The enemy will keep tempting you to doubt, but we can train ourselves to default to faith instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Other Snares<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Unforgiveness and unrepentance can also trap us in the lie that we\u2019re unforgivable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I cling to hurt, bitterness, or resentment, my unforgiveness creates distance between me and God. It doesn\u2019t erase my forgiven status in Christ, but it can hinder my intimacy with Him (Matthew 6:14; Mark 11:25).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Similarly, if I stay trapped in a cycle of sin\u2014feeling regret, asking forgiveness, but never truly repenting\u2014it will be hard to believe I am forgiven. Repentance matters. Turning from sin matters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Get Off the Devil\u2019s Hook<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re struggling to “forgive yourself,” it\u2019s time to get off the devil\u2019s hook. Instead, look to Jesus, believing that you are already forgiven.
Forgive others, turn from sin, and enjoy the peace of God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Manifesto to Call Your Own<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ll close with this powerful manifesto from Milton Vincent\u2019s A Gospel Primer for Christians: Learning to See the Glories of God\u2019s Love<\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

“Admittedly, I don\u2019t deserve to be a child of God, and I don\u2019t deserve to be free of sin\u2019s guilt and power.
I don\u2019t deserve the staggering privilege of intimacy with God, nor any other blessing that Christ has purchased for me with His blood.
I don\u2019t even deserve to be useful to God.
But by the grace of God, I am what I am and I have what I have, and I hereby resolve not to let any portion of God\u2019s grace prove vain in me! And to the degree that I fail to live up to this resolve, I will boldly take for myself the forgiveness that God says is mine and continue walking in His grace.
This is my manifesto, my daily resolve; and may God be glorified by this confidence that I place in Him.”1<\/a><\/sup><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

All I can say to that is “Amen!”<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n
  1. Vincent, Milton. Focus Publishing, 2008. A Gospel Primer for Christians: Learning to See the Glories of God\u2019s Love.

    Page 52.     \u21a9\ufe0e<\/a><\/li><\/ol>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Struggling to forgive yourself? Discover why self-forgiveness isn\u2019t necessarily biblical \u2014 and what Scripture says you actually need instead.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18,"featured_media":2186,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"off","_et_pb_old_content":"\n

    Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start writing!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I remember the first time I stood up to teach the Bible to a group of women in my local church. I was terrified. Yes, I studied the passage diligently and spent hours preparing pages of notes, but I wasn\u2019t sure if my preparation was effective. Is my teaching structured well? Will the women be interested or learn anything new? Have I interpreted this passage correctly?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Many women who are asked to teach a Sunday School class, speak at a Bible study, or lead a small group experience similar fears. They often have little or no training specific to teaching Scripture and feel unequipped and insecure in their preparation. Even so, the abundance of resources available on the subject of teaching Scripture can be paralyzing for a new Bible teacher.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    That\u2019s why we need books like Empowered and Equipped: Bible Exposition for Women Who Teach the Scriptures<\/em><\/a>. Julia Higgins, assistant professor of ministry to women at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, seeks to provide women with the tools they need to faithfully and effectively teach the Word of God to other women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \"\"\/<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

    Empowered and Equipped: Biblical Exposition for Women Who Teach the Scriptures <\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cJesus commissioned disciples to teach the nations, and women of the church must take his call seriously.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Men and women alike are given the spiritual gift of teaching, yet few resources are designed specifically for women who exposit the Scriptures. In Empowered and Equipped<\/em>, Julia Higgins steers women through the steps needed to faithfully interpret, apply, and teach a passage of Scripture. By examining both the principles and practices of teaching of Bible exposition, Higgins seeks to prepare women in the local church to make and mold disciples.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    B&H Academic. 224 pp. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Should Women Teach the Bible?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    First we must ask, Is a book that encourages and equips women to teach Scripture necessary or even appropriate? There\u2019s much discussion today about whether the Bible permits women to teach at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    In an effort to submit to Scripture\u2019s teaching, many have unfortunately moved beyond what God\u2019s Word prescribes to impose unbiblical restrictions on women. To argue that women shouldn\u2019t teach Scripture in any formal setting misunderstands God\u2019s design for discipleship. Higgins argues that all followers of Christ, including women, are included in the Great Commission and its call to teach other disciples everything Christ commanded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Furthermore, as Higgins explains, \u201cSome may conflate the spiritual gift of teaching with the office of pastor\/elder and draw a false conclusion that only men are to exercise the gift of teaching. While qualified men are responsible to teach and oversee the local church, that does not negate the fact that both men and women are given the spiritual gift of teaching.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n

    All followers of Christ, including women, are included in the Great Commission and its call to teach other disciples everything Christ commanded.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

    Spiritual gifts, including the gift of teaching, are given for the common good (1 Cor. 12:7<\/a>) and for building up the church (1 Cor. 14:12<\/a>). It follows that women are not only permitted to teach in appropriate settings but are needed for the growth and maturity of the body of Christ. This pattern is exemplified in the women in Scripture who are called to teach and commended for their teaching ministries, many of which Higgins references.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    In light of the biblical call for women to teach, Higgins writes,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    The end of the matter is this: women should be given a context where they can teach the Word in the local church. Why? Because Christ\u2019s church will grow and others will be discipled in the faith.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Her book, therefore, provides \u201ca pathway for women to exercise teaching gifts in the local church,\u201d and specifically focuses on training women to teach women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Helpful Foundation<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Higgins provides an accessible yet substantial foundation for teaching Scripture. She incorporates principles and strategies from some of the most highly respected Bible teachers of our day, giving readers a well-rounded introduction to teaching Scripture without information overload.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Higgins has a high view of God\u2019s Word and a Christ-centered approach that highlights the overarching storyline of the Bible. Readers will gain essential tools for expository teaching, learning to base the central teaching focus, supporting points, and application on the main point and structure of the text itself. Higgins even encourages this kind of verse-by-verse teaching for topical messages, so that the teacher is always communicating the text\u2019s intended purpose rather than taking passages out of context as proof texts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Empowered and Equipped<\/em> walks teachers through the process of creating a Bible exposition, from understanding the nature of Scripture all the way to writing an expositional outline. Higgins covers a wide range of content from theoretical to practical, including information on biblical genres, basic doctrinal issues, and hermeneutics.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    She spends a large portion of the book giving instruction on studying the Bible inductively, including specific strategies for observation, interpretation, generalization, and application and for how that study translates into instruction. The scope of the book makes it suitable for beginners\u2014although they may want to work through it more slowly\u2014as well as for those who have been studying and teaching Scripture for some time but are looking for a process to follow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    While Empowered and Equipped<\/em> covers an impressive amount of ground in a surprisingly manageable page count, readers may leave with unanswered questions. For example, the book includes almost no discussion of incorporating meaningful illustrations or transitions. On other topics, such as the discussion of genre or the overview of theological doctrines, Higgins gives only brief introductions. Anything more, however, would make the book overwhelmingly dense, and readers can continue to explore these topics in more depth as they see fit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Empowered and Equipped to Teach God\u2019s Word<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    The church needs gifted women who not only speak on a short list of \u201cfemale-friendly\u201d topics stereotypical of women\u2019s conferences or retreats but who teach the whole counsel of God for the good of the body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n

    The church needs gifted women who not only speak on a short list of \u2018female-friendly\u2019 topics but who teach the whole counsel of God for the good of the body.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

    Higgins appeals, \u201cThis call for women to be teachers of the Word arises from a place of care and concern for over half of the body, so that the church might grow in love for God and his Word, passing it along to others, so that they too might go and make disciples of all nations to the end that Christ\u2019s commands are observed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    As this book makes its way into the hands of more and more women who treasure the Bible and long to see it elevated and proclaimed, I pray the church will be edified and God\u2019s glory made known. I pray the teachers it equips will grow in their love for Christ even as the women they teach develop new excitement for God\u2019s Word. I pray that instead of feeling insecure and unprepared, women will be empowered and equipped to teach the Scriptures.<\/p>\n","_et_gb_content_width":"","_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"[{\"content\":\"Vincent, Milton. Focus Publishing, 2008. A Gospel Primer for Christians: Learning to See the Glories of God\u2019s Love.

    Page 52.\",\"id\":\"e315e74f-c7a3-4a4f-8d77-9812bf0113ae\"}]"},"categories":[33,29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2180","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-care-counseling","category-church-life","et-has-post-format-content","et_post_format-et-post-format-standard"],"yoast_head":"\nWhy You Don\u2019t Need to Forgive Yourself (and What to Do Instead)<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Struggling to forgive yourself? 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